am I alone?

im Brooke. i just turned 16 on friday… well around september i stared having some pretty wacky things go on with me.. i started to get bad nose bleeds and i started getting weird bruises all over me and i was always tired id wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and yet it be to weak to get up… my mom begain to relize this was happening she also has cancer so does my soon to be step dad. she took me to the doctor and sure enough i had cancer(AML) they did radiation for about two weeks and i was out of school but it didnt help much… so my mom put me back in school. i didnt wanna start chemo but surly enough this morning i started it back up): my friends dont really understand they are saying that they are always going to be here… but what about when i started to look like a freak or when my medication starts to make me gain weight then what? they already thought i was lying about it… they said i wasnt showing symtoms when really im just hiding all my pain from them… the truth is im in so much pain you couldnt believe it! i can barley move without every bone in my body aching. im already loosing my hair… and im scared to go back to school! what will everybody say… i dont even want my friends to know whats going on… let alone the whole school… im scared they will mistake me for a guy. what i dont get is why me? what did I do? did i do something to desurve this… im just a normal kid… my friends say that they will always be here for me but really i feel alone… that why im glad i found this web page… i dont feel so alone anymore i feel like i finally have people to relate to(:

February 19, 2012 by  
Filed under Uncategorized

  • Leah Shearer

    Hi Brooke,

    No need to feel alone when you’re here. I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling so down with everything you’re going through.

    It might sound strange to think that this is “normal” to feel this confusion. Because what about this experience seems “normal” at all. But do know that there are a lot of teens who know exactly what you describe.

    I do however sense that this might be especially tough in light of the fact that your mom and step-dad are both struggling with the disease too. I hope that you have a lot of support around your family. Having a caring circle of family and friends from the community can make a difference. Having peers who understand is important too.

    I’m so glad you found our website too, Brooke. Hang in there.

    Leah Shearer
    TLC Program Coordinator
    Rochester NY
    …and a two time young adult cancer survivor

  • Graphicbirdie

    Hi Brook!
    First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I am also sixteen and lovin it (of course I am pretty excited to be able to say I am 17) Anyway, I am here right now to offer some comfort. I personally have never had cancer but I am very interested in oncology and helping people who do. i vounteer at childrens hospital so I may be able to give you some tips.

    First, don’t worry about looking like a guy. Wemon have face structures that look femanin and no matter if you gain weight and loose your hair, you will still look femanin. If you are really worried, think about getting a fun girly wig and maybe wear some makeup.

    Second, your friends are confused. They have no idea how to help you so they are doing what they can to be supportive. Although their support may sound cheesy, they do care and they are taking the time to be supportive and do what they can. It sounds like they may not be the closest of friends, but this will most likely bring you all closer.

    Thirdly (is thirdly a word?) , why you? This is quite a question that no one can truly answer, and you may be asking it for the rest of your life. But, since your mother has cancer it most likely runs in the family. That does give you quite an excuse when you ask yourself. If you want to blame someone (because who doesn’t want to blame someone?) go and blame the oldest member of your extended family who has or had cancer, of course don’t be rude about it but just keep that in the back of your head. It would be painful for them if you told them that but it does give you a way to put your mind at rest. No one chooses to have cancer, and you did absolutley nothing to deserve it, it is not your fault. Don’t put that on yourself.

    Lastly, we are here to help you! you are obviously a very smart girl since you found this incredible site so quickly. The people here can certainly help you through this rough time with comforting words. There are tons of other sources out there, many suportive cancer chat rooms. There is a great yahoo cancer chat room where everyone is basically a family, go check it out if you need some comfort. Also, I am here to help! I would love to be your email pen pal if you ever need someone to talk to about anything. If you want to escape cancer chat, email me and we can talk about absolutly anything including cancer if you want. I completely understand if you don’t want to email me, but if your ever bored or depressed, send me an email.

    I know you will get through this smoothly. your surrounded by friends here online and offline.

    Much Love,

    my email is

  • Isela

    Hello Brooke, how are you today? Im Isela and I know how do you feel now.. I was born in Mexico, City… do you have friends in this city? what is your city? Im learning speak and write in english, I love this language… Maby if you want we can be good friends… my mail is I hope your letter soon… Take care, and please be happy, all with you is fine and will be fine…. A big hug por you!!!!

  • Milagros

    Hello Brooke, i’m Milagros(i speak just some english,sorry). i know how u feel, and that’s bad… it won’t help u…need to assimilate and calm… u’re losing ur time…valious time for us(who had cancer), u must think in solutions and not in the problems ┬┐why? because it will make u feel better and happy, at least in some moments. Ur life is gonna be better just if u want to. create ur own day, get it better, and if u feel bad again(wich is normal in us) cry, scream, brooke something, but get u free, liberate, in calm, and then go with ur family or friends or ur pet, anyway just keep living against the badness that is cancer. A hugh.

  • Livia Ellen

    well , im not diagnosed by cancer but im glad i never had it, i really interested in it, i hope i can support you all guys, life is not about happiness only, sometimes we need to fight and dont give u to face the problem in front of us , we r strong!

    Cancer is just a sickness which try to make u weak, but i believe you all can fight it !
    well take care staystrong , im here to be a random friend to talk for you :)

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