Missing you.

I am a two time cancer survivor. This summer has been a bad summer. I wanted the summer before my senior year of high school to be amazing, but it was so upsetting. I have lost 5 friends from the end of May to the beginning of September. They were all cancer patients. I spent my summer at funerals.

When I lost my friend Val in May, it didn’t hit hard until my friend Kenzie died in June. Once she passed, I was so upset. My friend Shane, who didn’t live in town, finally came into town the second week of June to seek a second opinion on his treatment. When the doctors here didn’t say what he wanted to hear, he moved back home. I was just blessed that I got to see him. I hadn’t seen him in almost two years. I never would have thought that was the last time I would ever talk to him or give him a hug or tell him I love him. He passed two weeks later. When I got that phone call, I denied it. I knew it couldn’t be true. I didn’t want to accept the fact that my best friend was gone. We talked all the time. But the two weeks leading up to his passing, he wasn’t answering the phone. I figured it was because he was going through chemo again. I never expected the worst.

Then about two weeks after I got that phone call, I got another phone call saying my close friend Matt passed from a brain tumor. I knew he was sick, but they were giving him so much hope. I went to Matt’s funeral the day before I went to camp. It hit me pretty hard that Matt was gone while we were up at camp. Matt loved camp and so being up there without him was very hard. It didn’t hit me that Shane was really gone until I came back from camp that weekend. I went to call him just to check up and vent to him like I always did. and the service of his phone was off. I became so depressed.

I am not sure why God has put all these people in my life, but they have definitely left an imprint on my heart.

Sorry for venting. I have had it bottled up way to long and I know this is a place where I can vent.

September 23, 2011 by  
Filed under Coping with Cancer, Friends and Family

  • http://www.facebook.com/janderson378 Justin Anderson

    Hey, I know how ya feel. I am right now living with cancer waiting for it to pop up again. But my brother lost his life to AML Leukemia, and I kept on asking my self why did he have to go, why did god let him go. But all I know is I am glad he was around for I dont think I would be the same with out him.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1644841150 Domi

      I totally know what you mean. If those people hadn’t been in my life, I would not be the same. They left imprints on my heart and are big inspirations to me.
      Im so sorry to hear that you have to go through treatment as well. It sucks. Just keep your head up (:

  • http://www.facebook.com/LeahAShearer Leah Shearer

    Hi Domi and Justin,

    I have to say Domi, that when I read your post—I totally know that feeling.
    I myself am a two time cancer survivor and I’ve lost more than a few friend to this disease.
    Unfortunately, it’s a reality in this special community of friends- losing someone who has been so much a part of our coping.

    You know what though, as I read your response I was so moved by your maturity. ‘If those people hadn’t been in my life, I would not be the same’. It’s remarkable that you can remember that. Sometimes the pain shuts us down…but you sound like you have a lot of gratitude about life.

    It is so hard though. I give you that for sure.

    Hang on to that belief…Thinking of you.

    Leah Shearer
    TLC Program Coordinator

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1644841150 Domi

      Thank you for your kind words. Even though I know that my friends have impacted my life, I still sit sometimes and wonder why them and not me? I know that everything happens and God has a plan. I have had my moments lately where I find myself picking up the phone to call my friend Shane and then it hits me again that he isn’t here anymore. He was the one I would call at any given moment and he was there for me. It has been a rough few months, but I know that he is watching over me. They all are.
      I have a definite gratitude about life because I know how precious it is.

      Thank you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000030208438 Bryn Thomson Mugnolo

    Hey. My name is Bryn and I am a survivor of Hodgkins Lymphoma, and also a part of the core group of TLC. I’ve seen friends come and go quite rapidly in the past few years. Making friends through cancer is best part about having it…and sometimes the worst. I’m listening if you need to talk. My email is btmugnolo@aol.com. I’m glad you found a place to vent.

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